The Pussy (Cat) Diary: Getting My Revenge

The Pussy (Cat) Diary: Getting My Revenge

As dictated by Sabine (the cat) and transcribed by Renee (the Mom) & Lulu (the kid) 

A Day in the Life Of Sabine

A cat’s life is never easy. Cats are really smart but physically,  the domestic breed is  pretty small.  Thus, some humans immediately label me as having “a complex.”  I dont’ know what it is and I don’t want to know.    I’m almost 20 years old.  That’s like 100 in human years.  It’s no wonder that I need therapy!  Check the most recent page from my diary:

Day #998

  • 6:55 a.m.: I am now awake and ready to eat!  But my keeper is not out of bed and waiting to feed me!  I need to remedy this and start to sing as loudly and as off tune as possible. (Little do they know that I have pooped at the bottom of the landing of the stairs!  “What your step!  Oops….that’s a rotten way to start your day!”  HeHeHe!)
  • 7:00 a.m.  Did I mention watch your step? Got her! Ha!
  • 7:02 a.m.: Oh! That smell! That horrible, fishy smell fills the air as she opens a small metal disc. My stomach churns.  If it wasn’t for my arthritic hips, I would jump on my keeper with my claws and show her who’s really boss!  Darn hips!
    • The Beast is stupid too: it dives into its by-product dish of food and devours it.  
    • After it’s finished, the Beast burps in my direction, regurgitates some of its food and then eats it again.  Primitive Creature!
  • 7:05 a.m. In retaliation, I throw up all of my food just to get back at my keeper.  That disgusting beast eats it too!   
  • 8:00 a.m.: The Keeper has put a leather rope around the Beast’s throat and taken it outside for what I assume is a chance to escape from this prison.  Strangely, it comes back and seems happier than ever. It must be the pills she puts in its food every morning.
  • 8:15 a.m.: The Keeper is going out.  She grabs a snack for the Beast and lures it downstairs using this sweet sing-songy voice saying “Come on sweet baby” repeatedly.  It climbs into its iron prison the humans refer to as “a crate.”  Stupid Beast!
  • 9:00 a.m.:  I venture downstairs to make sure the Beast isn’t dead.  I know that I would get blamed somehow if the dog “kicks it.”  It’s still alive.  It looks at me with pathetic, sad eyes as if asking me to let it out of “the crate.”  As if!
  • 9:02 a.m.: I decide to torment the Beast: my daily pleasure.  I slowly stroll back and forth in front of the cage. I like to comment about the joy of having the house to myself and how sad it is that the Beast has to spend the day in a small cage while I can wander freely through the entire house   YAWN…Every few minutes the Beast lunges at me.  But I just sit in front of the cage and smile.  I could unlock the cage, you know.  But why bother?  I love to see the Beast grovel and cry. It is just so pathetic. To mark my spot, I cough up a hairball.
  • 3:00 p.m.: I am awoken from a sound sleep by the echoes of shoes running through the house.  The small person must be home and I need to hide lest she see me and decide that she wants to pick me up. There aren’t a lot of places in this giant box so I choose directly under the dining table–less chance of the child reaching in and catching me.
  • 5:00 p.m.: It’s dinner time.  I have to endure another dose of this gruel!  In protest, I use the  litter box first in hopes of making the first level of the house smell as bad as it can.  What do I care?  I can’t smell a thing!
  • 5:15 p.m.:  I spot the small person and run.  Sadly, due to my age and arthritis, I am unable to outrun its chubby legs.  It grabs me by the tail and I scream in indignation and some pain.  I hear the Keeper tell the little person that “the cat’s tail is not for pulling.”  I hiss at the creature and remind myself that I will get even later tonight after “Mom” is sleeping.  I will sneak into the small person’s bed tonight and sit on its face. Nothing like a little cat hair in your mouth to make you choke!
  • 7:00 p.m.: It’s last call for the Beast. I sit by the door waiting for it to open so I can rush out.  I know that I have to be swift if I am going to escape.  Usually they notice me and kick me away from the door.  But not tonight! The “Keeper” opens the door and I slip out.  I am FREE! I run like my life depends on it and  hide under the porch so no one will be able to find me.
  • 8:00 p.m.: Where the hell are they?  The humans strolled around the yard for almost 3 minutes with their big lights looking for me and then gave up. Now their inside the house probably talking about me in past tense terms.    I am hungry and have no idea how to find my own food!  What’s an old feline to do?   A mouse runs by me.  Did I just hear it snicker?  I start to whine.
  • 8:15 p.m.: I crawl out from under the porch.   My feelings are extremely  hurt.   This is Senior Feline abuse!  Who the hell leaves their old house cat outside?  I find the door and scratch it.  Yes!  Long, thin scratches.  The paint instantly peals off of the door in sheets.  I have made my mark.  But no one comes to the door to let me in.
  • 9:00 p.m.: I am crying and scratching at the door.  Still, no one comes to let me in the house.  Are they going to let me die out here?
  • 11:00 p.m.: I have given up.  I decide that I will freeze to death.  Just as I have resigned myself that I am about to lose the remaining 8 of my lives, a light goes on.  The door opens and my keeper scoops me up in her arms.   I purr with relief that she has found me and brought me inside.
  • 11:01 p.m.: That’s enough love for her!   I look at her with pure hate, hiss and dig my front claws into the Keeper’s arm.  She screams. All is right with the world.  I climb up onto the leather couch, dig my claws into the soft hide.  I curl up and go to sleep.
Another successful day has come to an end.

The “Beast” the humans call “Maya.”

This blog post was inspired by the great “Mama Kat’s Losin It” workshop.  Please click on the link for other fantastic articles from fabulous writers including Mama Kat. 

International Women’s Day: 10 Things I Want My Daughter To Know

International Women’s Day: 10 Things I Want My Daughter To Know

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Today is International Women’s Day.  At first I felt uneasy about a specific day dedicated to my gender.  Will men also have their day?  Or is everyday really their day? Anyway, I thought that I could use “International Women’s Day” as a great reason to dedicate a post to 10 life lessons that might guide my daughter’s growth this year and beyond:

1. You is kind… You is smart… You is important. (The Help)

You must remember these three things everyday.  Your father and I believe in you and you must always believe that you possess these three characteristics.

2. Learn, learn, learn from everyone and everything that you encounter. 

It’s called “an education.”  Yes, academics are important and the key to much success but so is exploring the world and asking a lot of questions about the things that you don’t understand and about which you want to know.

3. Mistakes are part of learning. Make lots of them but try not to let those mistakes be at the expense of someone else. Oh, and be sure to learn from them too.

4. Enjoy being by yourself.  It’s not a crime and it can be fun. 

Going out for dinner alone can be a spiritual journey and not necessarily an exercise in loneliness. I love traveling by myself—I get to see all of the places that I want to visit and I’m not sidelined by the interests of others.

5. “Nullum Gratuitum Prandium” that’s Latin for “There is not such thing as a free lunch.”

Yes, for some people it appears that things come very easy.  Don’t be fooled; nothing is free and, as my 10th grade Biology teacher explained to me, for everything there is a price.  So, if you really want something in life, you have to really work for it.  If it is easy to get, you probably won’t value it as much as the things that you worked really hard to obtain.   That said, don’t let anyone or anything stop you from getting what you want out of your life.

6. Listen to you MOTHERS!

A lot of women came before you.  Respect and pay attention to the lives and the stories of the women who came before you.  Their sacrifices, work and actions helped to mold what your life has and will become.  You can learn from their triumphs as much as you can from their mistakes.  Just don’t forget from whom and where you come.  Pay homage to those women, they have earned your respect

7. You have so many wonderful talents and gifts, remember to share them with the world. 

Part of being a contributing member of society is sharing what you have with others. Even if you think that you have little or nothing to share, your mere presence in the life of another person can be present enough.

8. Sticks and stones will break your bones and names certainly do hurt.

As technology improves and communication travels at the speed of light, it is getting easier and easier for the power of the pen to yield great power.  So be mindful of what you say, write and put out in the world particularly about others. Your actions can have sweeping implications and their outcomes may not be what you had anticipated.

9. No matter what anyone says to you, there is NOTHING wrong with being a girl. 

I am proud of being a woman and having you as my child.  Lots of people want to tear you down and blame your gender as a reason to deny you great opportunities.  Don’t take “NO” for an answer. You are strong, smart and brave.  Gender has nothing to do with these qualities.  Don’t let it be your or anyone else’s excuse for limiting your access to success.

10. Call your mother even when you think that you are too old/too mature/too embarrassed:  You may not always want to follow my advice or to listen to what I have to say, but I will always be on your side and support you—even if I don’t agree with your decisions.

And with that, happy International Women’s Day!

This post was inspired by Karen Walrond‘s essay entitled “The 10 things I want my daughter to know on international women’s day.” 

 

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Three generations of women celebrating International Women’s Day!